The Longest Advent Ever
Since "the revelation" (see my first post), the holidays have been melancholy. I can't help but wonder if this is our last Christmas as a family living under the same roof. I am finding the family Christmas letter impossible to write. This year we couldn't even bring ourselves to get out the tree and the rest of the Christmas decorations (at least that is what it was for me). We bought a pretty 4 ft. pre-lit white feather tree instead (not the pink or blue one - $20.00 1/2 price at Michael's).
This is our fourth post-disclosure Christmas, and I don't feel any closer to knowing what I want. My head and my heart are on completely different wave-lengths. I feel pathetically and hopelessly stuck.
I keep thinking about something that Closeted Pastor blogged a couple of weeks ago:
". . .My ex had the courage to know that marriage to a woman who kept falling in love with other women was not what he wanted."
I keep telling myself that I need to not focus on figuring this out but need to know myself better, and then I will know what I want. . . what is right, and the courage will come.