Saturday, April 29, 2006

In which I am caught red-handed.

Accidental Christian: What the h*ck happened?

I am glad that Eddy is back. You will have to read his post (link above) to understand this one.

I should have known better than to invade his history. . . trust is important, and since I put that deposit on that apartment without telling him first (that I ended up not renting) trust has definitely been an issue between us.

When I stop to think about it, I am dumbfounded, shattered, and still can't quite grasp how much everything has changed over the last two years. We used to trust each other implicitly. I hate when things get broken.

I hate that we are growing apart. But for our own sanity, we need to grow apart. (sigh). We need space to be who we are, which, I guess, goes back to his needing a more private space in which to write.

If I had thought about it, I would not have looked simply because in the past, I have stumbled over stuff that I wish to this day that I had never found. I'd really rather just not know (I think). Maybe it is better to know. I don't know. I want to know what really is going on his head (I think). Maybe I don't want to know. I guess that I DO want to know where I stand. I know that he as as confused about all of this as I am.

The thought of him looking for someone to hook up with had never crossed my mind (until now). Holy Crap.

B

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2 Comments:

Blogger A Troll At Sea said...

B:
no wallowing.
just get on with it.
He who has never quite managed that says it's better for everybody that way...
yr
Troll

Sunday, April 30, 2006 5:01:00 PM  
Blogger Bea said...

Don't you think that you should be telling that to HIM?

B

Monday, May 01, 2006 2:47:00 PM  

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