The Big O
A producer from The Oprah Show contacted me about participating in an upcoming show about gay husbands. (She said she read my blog). Although, I'm not about to participate, I had to imagine it, not so much airing out my experiences on national television, but what would it be like if Eddy did come out.
My first reaction was what a relief it would be for all of us. Then, there was a numbing fear of our finances taking a dive because we assume that Eddy would lose his job over this. Then, there was the fear of losing Eddy to a man. Then I realized that in some ways I have already lost Eddy, or a part of Eddy, to the world of other men. In some ways Eddy's sexual orientation isn't "real" to me yet, not that it doesn't exist, but that the reality of it hasn't quite sunk in.
Imagining the coming out, the possibility of it, made it sink in a little more. Ouch.
My first reaction was what a relief it would be for all of us. Then, there was a numbing fear of our finances taking a dive because we assume that Eddy would lose his job over this. Then, there was the fear of losing Eddy to a man. Then I realized that in some ways I have already lost Eddy, or a part of Eddy, to the world of other men. In some ways Eddy's sexual orientation isn't "real" to me yet, not that it doesn't exist, but that the reality of it hasn't quite sunk in.
Imagining the coming out, the possibility of it, made it sink in a little more. Ouch.
Labels: the gay thing
posted by Heidi at
9:37 AM
3 Comments:
Bea:
I think you should definitely do Oprah. Surely they can disguise you as much as you need... and think what a hoot it would be!
Let me know if you change yr mind.
T@C
Hey Bea
i understand what you are going through because i am an Eddy.
i was a Pentecostal Evangelist. ordained the AOG and a mega church preacher in Australia (eg Hillsong).
if Eddy is like me then he has done everything he possibly could to to be what you and others want him to be. ie. straight. it would be so much easier. but its impossible. I separated from my wife back in 1992. I shut my belief system down for 6 years but have now found a wonderful place of peace and resolution.
its a painful journey for us all....but there is a way forward.
let me know if i can help in any way.
Bea: Only you know what the right answer is in your (and Eddy's) coming out process. After watching your blog and those who have read you, your story and your honesty is amazing. you never know where healing can happen. I hope that you will consider, even just a little what could happen if you were to do the Oprah show. Bless you.
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