Thursday, July 03, 2008

ramble ramble ramble ramble ramble ramble ramble . . .


I can't sleep! I hate hate hate when this happens. I have the next few days off and a book deadline looming and am looking forward to the holiday weekend. I have a 9:00 a.m. therapy appt. tomorrow morning - this morning actually, I guess. I am planning to really, actually go in there and quit. Have you ever noticed that "therapist" is spelled the same as "the rapist"? Eddy's therapist is making him take a two week break from therapy, which doesn't seem to be helping his severe depression. I don't know what is really going on there . . . what the heck? I feel a little bit manic when I can't sleep like this. I really think that I could sit up all night and not sleep a wink. I am so tired of thinking about everything . . . Does anyone want to buy a used Volvo? I bought this used Volvo after my horrific accident and have put 3k into it over the last five months. . . and now it is smelling hot after I drive it and the fans or something don't sound "right," so I should probably take it in, but really, really, really don't want to. I want to take it back to the used car salesman that I was silly enough to buy it from. Yes, I bought it "as is" but . . . this is ridiculous. . . . And gas prices keep going up! I have a 64 mile/day commute. . . And I keep swinging from I could never leave Eddy to I can't not leave Eddy. And I start to pray about all of it, and I am so full of doubt, but completely grief-stricken at the thought of losing God. How can I not believe??? And why is there no one for me to trust let alone lean on for a minute? just a minute? Okay - 3 a.m. is my absolute limit, so I am going to try to sleep now.

2 Comments:

Blogger Jennifer said...

I'm praying for you Heidi. The night hours are the worst--the thoughts churn faster and faster, out of control. May you find a moment of peace and still and call it God.

Saturday, July 05, 2008 7:56:00 AM  
Blogger Magdalene6127 said...

Heidi, you are in my prayers... catching up here after a long time.

Peace, friend. You are loved.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008 4:59:00 PM  

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