Thursday, December 06, 2007

nerves

I am about to go to a therapy session, followed by the dentist (two crowns which may turn into root canals). I am really not looking forward to leaving the house. Add that it is 8 degrees outside and I just want to crawl back under the covers. But alas, the bed is made, so I guess that won't be happening.

Is it crazy that I dread therapy more than the dentist? Talk about hitting nerves and digging around. It is so hard to be honest in there but I am really trying, especially since my insurance has run out and I am paying out of pocket for this. (But thank God for good dental insurance!)

A couple of weeks ago, my therapist mentioned that my husband is gay and that's not going to change. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was not accepting this as reality. I mean if you asked me, "Is your husband gay?" I would say, "yes, I've known this for 3.5 years." And, "Do you think he is always going to be gay." I would say, "Yes - I truly accept this about him." But on a deeper emotional level I'm not sure that I believe it. Ouch.

Heidi

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2 Comments:

Blogger Just thinkin' said...

Oh, do I understand! I know that my partner (after 19 years) left me for another woman. And I know he's not coming back. Intellectually, rationally. But...that knowledge hasn't yet worked its way into me and my life. On the outside I behave as if I'm on my own. Inside, I'm waiting for that phone call.

Hope your day was better than you expected.

Thursday, December 06, 2007 10:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Swandive said...

you are one brave sister - the dentist and therapist all in one day. Good on ya' and know that when you get home, and you hear your bed calling, its ok to answer - no matter what time the clock says.

Friday, December 07, 2007 5:25:00 PM  

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