Friday, May 25, 2007

eddy is out . . . sort of

well, i guess there's a difference between going out and coming out . . . he is out with some friends (gay friends), so actually he is out to them . . . .

but enough about him . . . how am i taking this?

what's there to take? he's gay. he's out with gay friends. this is reality. what could be more normal?

so he is somewhere over the rainbow . . . why do i feel like i'm the one in oz?

Bea

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6 Comments:

Blogger Frank said...

Bea....I understand your feelings. I know this is hard. I know this hurts like nothing you've ever felt before. Just try to remember that Eddy loves you. Lovey could never accept this....or believe that her gay husband did in fact love her inspite of the gay thing. Try to remember this and keep breathing. Take one step at a time. Take it all one day at a time. Remember that for folks in your/our shoes....there are no role models. No one is pointing a gun at your head and forcing you to make a decision about anything. Only you are doing that. Nothing is black or white.....there are acutally 256 shades of gray in between. Keep loving Eddy........let him feel that love........stay strong. I have you both in my prayers....even as I continue my life in divorce hell.

Saturday, May 26, 2007 1:29:00 AM  
Blogger A Troll At Sea said...

Bea:

I can't say I understand your feelings, because they're not mine. But I can try to, and that is hard enough. How I wish my "Isis" had shown half your understanding -- or I had had half Eddie's ability to do two things at once.

Frank's "one day at a time"/"no role models" comment is bang-on. You have to find what's right for you and Eddy. There may be black and white somewhere, but we can't know it till Judgment Day.

And you DO have to try to remember that he loves you. I'm sure it's true. The last time I remember hearing anything remotely resembling that, myself, was when we agreed that the only way to show our love was to let each other go. You can probably imagine how good that felt. NOT.

Hang in there.
You are a courageous voice.
Don't give up.

T@C

Sunday, May 27, 2007 9:37:00 PM  
Blogger Bigg said...

I think of you often, Bea. What it must be like... and how you are holding up.
I'm wishing you all the best.

Thursday, May 31, 2007 1:13:00 PM  
Blogger Nate said...

I won't deny that your post hurt because it could have been Carrie writing of us. It could have been last Sunday morning to be quite exact. And it is why, which I will explain to the world in my next post, that I will start to look for a sublet. If these moments didn't hurt, it would speak poorly of you.

I do wish you well - us gay husbands never imagined the wake of destruction we would someday be causing.

Whatever works for the two of you is ultimately all that matters.

Friday, June 01, 2007 11:57:00 PM  
Blogger Flip said...

Hi Bea,

I'm an alcoholic. It's a great thing for me to be out with alcoholic friends...if they are recovering alcoholics and part of my relationship with them includes helping each other not drink alcohol.

Being out with alcoholic friends under different circumstances has a different connotation.

Perhaps you feel like you're in Oz because you aren't sure of why Eddy is out with these gay friends. I can understand that. And I think it's up to Eddy to help you understand that. That's part of loving you.

F

PS Eddy should feel free to throw a rock at my glass house!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007 3:12:00 PM  
Blogger Slapdash said...

Hi Bea, I am so sorry to hear what you have been living through. I can only sort of relate - I am single but 5 years ago I had a boyfriend I loved very much and wanted to marry. Long story short: he dumped me and 6 months later came out. When NJ Governor McGreevey came out, I remember thinking "oh my gosh, I could have been his wife. How awful!"

I must say I have a hard time understanding why divorcing him is such a difficult decision. I don't mean that in a judgmental way, but in a head-scratching way. But it's not for me to understand. You have to live it. Anyway - my deepest sympathies. I hope you get all the support and care you need as you deal with this.

Sunday, July 08, 2007 12:32:00 PM  

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