Saturday, February 21, 2009

Anginae Has Me Thinking About Sex With A Gay Man

I've always thought about sex as being with the person that I love. I am attracted to my husband sexually mostly because I love him as a person, not because of his physical attributes. He is the man who I married and who I love. To me, he is sexy. 

I have never understood one night stands, anonymous sex, casual sex or whatever.  I think it would depress me.  Maybe not. Maybe I should be more open-minded and consider the possibility that sex is never meaningless. Maybe I shouldn't knock it until I've tried it.


In bed, my husband has been pretty good about making it good for me. I knew he would be that way. I knew other guys (the straight ones) that I dated wouldn't be. It was part of my conscious decision to choose him for a husband. It is part of why we are still together. What I didn't notice until later, was that he wasn't/isn't desirous of me. He doesn't "want" me the same way that I "want" him. I don't think he ever has really, not with any kind of intensity.


I am one of the lemmings who have read the Twilight Series. My friends have pondered over its mass appeal, but to me it is obvious. I want to be wanted like Edward wants Bella. I want to be delicious to someone. I want the kind of protection that would inspire.


If the lust in a relationship is one sided, what does that do for power balance in the relationship? If I think about that too hard, I feel rage - and shame - like I've been duped. Lately, I have been asking myself. What is more important to me? being with someone who I love/want? or being with someone who loves/wants me? Ideally, of course, it would be both. Maybe the real question, then is do I want to be with someone who doesn't physically want me like I want him?


I don't know. 


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm. Interesting. I think this is different than Anginae's posting. In her case, she does want him, and he wants her, and their sex life is great. But she's wondering, then, what it would be like with a straight guy... and my point to her is that she'd probably be disappointed for various reasons. (the grass is always greener syndrome)

But in your case, it sounds like you want your hubby but he's not interested. That's very different... :-/

-Eric R

Monday, February 23, 2009 6:30:00 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...


I agree - it IS different. . . but it did get me thinking.


Monday, February 23, 2009 7:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

I'm always sad to read these kinds of posts. My mom spent most of her married life wondering about this very thing and finally resigned herself to go without physical intimacy. I don't know the answer but I hope you can figure something out. Good luck. Jen

Tuesday, February 24, 2009 8:30:00 PM  
Blogger sexy said...

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Friday, March 13, 2009 5:38:00 AM  

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