nobody
i just asked if i could get him anything and he says, "a gun, so i can shoot myself. i just f#$&#*g want to die. nobody cares."
i guess that makes me nobody.
i'm glad that i know better :)
how long can i live like this?
posted by Heidi at
10:43 PM
5 Comments:
Why are you torturing yourself like this? And I know what you are talking about--my husband of 24 years came out to me. Of course he wasn't a minister. When I found out that gay sex was (apparently) more important to him than our history, our loving marriage, our kids, our families, I divorced him with regret and sorrow. He is now HIV+ and I am OK. What are you waiting for? It is terrifying, you will be the talk of the community (we were), you may wonder how you will support yourself, but nothing is worse than the desire to be loved and appreciated for who you are, and not getting that. The betrayal is deep. You are a woman, and he doesn't want a woman. Much love to you.
Honestly, please. How can I help? How can I say to you so you can heart, you are not nothing! You say you know better, but still, there you are. This has just gone on for far too long, and you are FAR to amazing to wither away any longer.
Mean it. Grace and love to you, always, but really. This is just getting ridiculous.
But he has never demonstrated (to my knowledge) that gay sex is more important to him than our marriage, our family, or his occupation.
Right now it is the depression. God love him, I know that he can't completely control his brain, but it seems like his depression is the lover that I am competing with.
Is he being treated for depression?
yes - he's on at least three different anti-depressants - his therapist (with my husband's permission) called me last week to tell me that he feels like they're not making progress and to make sure that if he continued treatment and my husband killed himself that i wouldn't sue for maltreatment. what a strange conversation. i told his therapist that if he STOPPED treatment and my husband killed himself THEN i would sue him for maltreatment. surreal.
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