what they said when i told them my husband is gay

Over the last two years, I have gone to people for support. Some of their responses have surprised me. Here they are (abbreviated) in roughly chronological order as accurately as I can remember them. I list the most helpful response last, though.

• my friend, D: No! He can't be. It's just a phase.
• my therapist (after I asked her, "What am I supposed to do with this information?): Just breathe.
• my friend, S: I had a friend who went through that. It was really a beautiful story . . . blah, blah, blah (after divorcing, both the husband and wife end up in same sex relationships, they all get along, the husband dies, the funeral is beautiful)
• my sister: I can see that. Are you going to leave? (or maybe it was, when will you leave?)
• a local pastor (outside of our circle) who didn't know either of us: God wants us all to be whole people.
• my friend, J: Oh, Bea! I am so sorry. He's such a great guy. We love Eddy. Do you think that you can stay together?
• my professor (after I explained why I left class crying): Does he want out? (No, I replied) Well, you can't play for both teams!?
• my friend, H: Oh, Bea! I am so sorry. But how could he have done anything else (but stay in the closet) with all of the bad religion you both were raised in?
• my friend, S, a year later: Bea, I think that you just need to find someone else.
• my friend, D, a year later: I still think that this is a phase.

But the best advice was given to me about a month after "the revelation". It was by a PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) volunteer, who seven (now nine) years ago went through all of this. She said, #1 the rollercoaster will stop. #2 don't listen to what anyone else says; you and Eddy have to do what is right for you, and it might not look like anything anyone else has ever done.

Peace

B