if i'm not okay, that's okay too

This week I read The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. It is an astounding memoir. Jeannette and her siblings are severely neglected by their parents. When she is three years old, she is standing on a chair boiling hot dogs when her dress catches on fire. She ends up in the hospital with severe burns. She writes:

I could tell that I was causing a big fuss, and I stayed quiet. One of them [nurses] squeezed my hand and told me I was going to be okay.

"I know," I said, "but if I'm not, that's okay too."

My childhood was paradise compared to Ms. Wall's, but I understand this little girl completely. Throughout the book she takes care of everyone else before herself. This is a hard habit to break. I see myself doing this all of the time. In the immortal words of Dr. Phil, How is this working for me?

B

The Rapture Index

Do you suppose that the nuclear testing in N. Korea will raise the rapture index? The site says that the index was updated today (the 9th) and it went down two points. What is up with that? Nuclear testing should definitely be a factor here.

The grumpy gay man that I live with says he hopes that they blow up the entire world and let the cockroaches take over. I picture his therapist thinking $$cha-ching$$ every time he says something like that in there. Actually, his cynicism is one of my favorite things about him. We kind of share that trait. In fact, I think wishing for the world to blow up is on my list of secrets -- minus the cockroaches. I only think that on really black days though, which seem to be fewer than ever.

But back to the rapture index, I just ran across it this morning. Is this site for real - or is this a joke? It is so freaky to think that I grew up constantly worrying about the rapture. I didn't think that I would be "left behind" but in true fundamentalist form, I worried about certain other people -- not that I ever talked about it with them.

Are any of you out there rapture worriers? or ex-rapture worriers?

My mother used to fall asleep clutching her little sister's nightgown because she was sure that if the rapture happened in the middle of the night that her sister would be left behind. This is what I grew up with.

And then there was the movie A Thief in the Night. (You have to click this link just to read the reviews. Priceless.)

I can still remember the really bad song that went with that movie . . . I wish we'd all been ready . . . there's no time to change your mind, the son has come, and you've been left behind . . . Crap, now that is going to go through my head all day.

Is anyone reading Richard Dawkins' new book? I started reading The God Delusion last night. Just when I started believing in God again. Maybe finding this book now was divine intervention (ha ha).

Happy Monday. It feels good to be back.

B