Monday, October 22, 2007

Am I just going through a phase?

From BBC News:
"The US may be one of the most religious countries in the West but is it undergoing a period of doubt."

Admittedly, I haven't read the entire article (yet), but skimming it, I am not surprised if only because of the number of bestsellers on the topic. Just go to and search "atheism" in books.

I tend to think that we doubters are just becoming more honest. In my case, I am being more honest with some people and not others, however. It is so easy to slip in and out of it. I have been going to church and Bible class before church the most regularly that I have been since "the revelation". I don't agree with everyone there about some things, and I let them know it (sometimes). But there is this bigger thing that I don't talk about: what if all of this isn't what we think that it is?

And then there is the side of me that wants to run as fast as I can back to how I believed before I was married - 17 years ago. I read my Bible and journaled my prayers and conversation with God almost every day. I believed that God had a plan for my life, that he heard my prayers, cared, and answered them sometimes. If he didn't, that only meant that he had a better idea. I felt safe.

I went to a funeral a month ago for the mother of a co-worker. The family was distraught, but knew that they would see their mother . . . aunt . . . friend again one day. I cried at that funeral - because I wanted to believe like that too. But I just couldn't.

Anyway, that is where I am right now -- which really is no place :)

A side note for my blog-friends:
I have been blog shy for the last three months. We seem to be still in a holding pattern. Eddy is very depressed. I am trying to be my self. Work is good, and that is holding me together right now. I hardly talk to my family. I don't know if that is good or bad. I have been going through an "Am I gay too?" phase. Eddy doesn't think that it is a phase. Right now it is the least of my concerns, I guess.