Am I just going through a phase?

From BBC News:
"The US may be one of the most religious countries in the West but is it undergoing a period of doubt."

Admittedly, I haven't read the entire article (yet), but skimming it, I am not surprised if only because of the number of bestsellers on the topic. Just go to Amazon.com and search "atheism" in books.

I tend to think that we doubters are just becoming more honest. In my case, I am being more honest with some people and not others, however. It is so easy to slip in and out of it. I have been going to church and Bible class before church the most regularly that I have been since "the revelation". I don't agree with everyone there about some things, and I let them know it (sometimes). But there is this bigger thing that I don't talk about: what if all of this isn't what we think that it is?

And then there is the side of me that wants to run as fast as I can back to how I believed before I was married - 17 years ago. I read my Bible and journaled my prayers and conversation with God almost every day. I believed that God had a plan for my life, that he heard my prayers, cared, and answered them sometimes. If he didn't, that only meant that he had a better idea. I felt safe.

I went to a funeral a month ago for the mother of a co-worker. The family was distraught, but knew that they would see their mother . . . aunt . . . friend again one day. I cried at that funeral - because I wanted to believe like that too. But I just couldn't.

Anyway, that is where I am right now -- which really is no place :)

A side note for my blog-friends:
I have been blog shy for the last three months. We seem to be still in a holding pattern. Eddy is very depressed. I am trying to be my self. Work is good, and that is holding me together right now. I hardly talk to my family. I don't know if that is good or bad. I have been going through an "Am I gay too?" phase. Eddy doesn't think that it is a phase. Right now it is the least of my concerns, I guess.

B

the kid comes out . . . sort of

Several weeks ago our son came out to us. Not that he's not gay - but that he's an atheist. I guess that we shouldn't be surprised. Eddy and I have been doubting our faith openly (at home, not at church). He has been reading Richard Dawkins since grade school. And the craziest people in our extended families are the most religious.

At sixteen, I am sure that he is not finished sorting out his beliefs. He comes to church, hangs out with church friends and his fundamentalist cousins, going through all of the motions. (Where has he learned that from?)

I am saddened by his admission on two counts. First, he is keeping secrets from many people close to him. Second, I am just plain sad that he doesn't believe in God. I don't know what to believe myself, but I am saddened that my son doesn't believe. What is up with that?

But even more so, I am astounded that my son feels comfortable talking about this to us. I am thrilled that he doesn't see thinking as dangerous. Maybe we are doing something right.

Bea