hey, we could have a thing on the side

yesterday, i made a huge mistake

in the library (where i work) during a very slow afternoon (because the computers were down) i was joking around with a regular library patron . . . the subject got around to our spouses, and i confided that eddy and i were considering separation. he was not comprehending this because he knows that eddy is a pastor, so i whispered, "he is gay." then he was more shocked and said that he didn't believe that people are born that way (he is baptist and 50ish).

then he says, "hey, we could have a thing on the side." i laughed it off, but he was serious. he said that he could get us a nice hotel room. he wasn't getting what he needed, so he got it where he could (eew! - like does he pay for this?)

i don't even begin to think so.

the feminist in me wanted to bitch slap him. maybe i should have. i never got completely angry. but i made it clear (i hope) that it wasn't going to happen.

so it is not okay to be gay, but it is okay to cheat on his wife? he is a reasonably intelligent person. are people this disconnected? or am i just naive?

on accepting a gay husband who doesn't accept himself

Not too long ago, a kind, but anonymous commenter responded to "Honey He's Gay" with: "do yourself a favour & simply accept what you cannot change about your husband & start divorce proceedings as quickly & painlessly as possible"

When I read this, I felt defensive. I remember thinking, I DO accept him the way that he is. Heck, I am far more accepting of him than he is of himself.

But then I am angry and upset at his lack of sexual desire and attraction to me. What am I expecting?

Does accepting what I cannot change = starting divorce proceedings?

If I truly accepted him . . . would I divorce him even if that is not what he wants?

the gay thing

Thank you everyone for your email and comments even though I haven't been posting. I got suckered into teaching a college course along with my full-time job which has a 70 mile/day commute, so I was pretty stressed for a while there. I am so glad that is over. I hate teaching. Why do I do these things?

Actually, the above is kind of bull-shit. I mean, it is true about being busy, but I think that I would have still posted if I had wanted to. I needed some time off from thinking about tgt (the gay thing).

It has been almost 2 1/2 years now since Eddy came out to me. Not much has changed. We don't even talk about it as much as we did during the first year or two. I am afraid that our situation is "fossilizing". I don't want to wake up another 2 1/2 years from now to everything being the same.

But how much should I push him into talking about it?

B